Well you know I do not work and I have some money ,and I have plenty of time
but I do not have family i do not have a girlfriend ,i do not have kids and i am 34
allready.I have some sex disease and that why i am afraid to sleep with girl without
a condom.
I studied kabbalah for 10 years and i feel the light of GOD a little bit ,but i have no big
connection with GOD - it is just something simple!So for that I should say to GOD
thank you ,but i do not feel that is the thing to live for - that will not be my reason to stay
in life!
About my parents or brother or some kinds of relatives i don' really care - they will be
capable all to live without me!I do not care to leave them the money or not to leave.
I even do not care about a girl who I visit - she will somehow survive without me too.
In my name gimatria there is a word coded as END in hebrew SOF!
I do not really know what is left to live for ,and I do not know how to simply go
away,there is nothing left to achive ,many posibilities simply closed and I have
nothing to do anymore! That what I feel this Shabes !
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